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Did you ever talk to someone and felt tired, drained and exhausted afterwards? Does that person tend to consistently behave in that way, over and over again? If your answers are positive, then you have been dealing with an energy drainer (I’ll refer to these kinds of persons es ED/EDs from now on).

What follows is a description of various types of these characters and methods to deal with them. You will need to read this if you are an emotionally sensitive person. Read and learn so that you can recognize EDs so that you can avoid them straight away. If you know how to approach people and if you are secure and not so sensible (or you just don’t let it show), this will make for an interesting read for you. You may actually recognize some of the persons in your life in these descriptions.

Speaking from personal experience

I know exactly how these persons function because I have dealt with a fair number of them, some of whom have even claimed to be my friends. The thing is that I used to be a masochist (not in that way, you pervert!) and had low self-esteem and little self-respect, so I tended to attract these unsavoury individuals. I have changed that over the years (it takes a lot of time to get to know oneself) and I want to share some of my experiences and lessons with you.

So let me show you some of the main types of EDs, their behavioural patterns and modus operandi. You are going to love this, because what follows is all based on true stories, and who doesn’t like an interesting, true story, especially one from which you can learn something?

ED Type 1: Whiner

I used to be friends with this girl that was a leeching whiner ED. It took me some time to realize that she is an ED. Here is how I got to know her.

We met at an IRC party (it was a looong time ago, while the Web was still in its infancy), where she came with her boyfriend. To make some things clear right from the start: There was never any kind of sexual attraction between the two of us. I never looked at her in a sexual or romantic way, and she didn’t think about me that way either - at least that’s the impression that I’ve got. We immediately striked up an interesting and long conversation. She seemed pretty open-minded and expressed her opinions without holding back much.

As time passed, we became friends. There was mutual trust and we enjoyed each other’s company, just as friends, plain and simple. She had a long-term boyfriend and I was in my female-hunting years, being mostly involved in sexual relationships that didn’t last long.

Soon, I started to notice that she was a whiner. She was complaining most of the time, about how hard her life was, how she was the queen of altruism (you gotta love these self-proclaimed whatevers), how her boyfriend is a loser, etc. In reality, she didn’t miss anything: She had good, caring parents and she didn’t have any real issues. She wasn’t altruistic - in fact, she was being very selfish. As for her loser of a boyfriend (in her own words), as soon as I said that she should dump him if she thinks of him as a loser and a bad person all the time, she immediately said “Nooo, oh noo” in a terrified tone of voice.

She used to complain for hours at a time, and I though that I was just a good listener and someone who was helping her. In fact, I was being stupid. I was just wasting my time and I certainly wasn’t helping her. Why? Because she didn’t want to be helped. As soon as I explained to her how she could solve some personal issue (whether imagined or real), she would find an excuse not to do it. Instantly!

She always made up these dramas with every boyfriend she used to date, and she always found a new one shortly before dumping the old one. She couldn’t stand the thought of being alone with herself, because that would force her to confront her problems and issues.

And dispite the high energy levels that I possess due to my ADD, all this was getting tiresome and I was feeling exhausted next to her. I figured out that she will never ever do anything about herself, and that also she will never commit sucide (fucking infantile) or act upon her dramas. Whining is her lifestyle. She never listened to any issue I might have had and she never offered any help.

Once, I decided to distance myself for her, and I did it in a rude way. Guess what: She contacted me to apologise. What is obvious here is that she needed me, and not the other way around. Of course, she was back to her whiner antics before long.

So I decided to break up this toxic “friendship” once and for all. And I did it, without explaining, without warning. I just turned my back to her. Bye-bye. Remember that you can’t explain anything to a whiner: she or he will immediately either find an excuse, or get into attack mode.

And you know what’s best? When you really decide to part ways with someone, they feel it. You don’t need to say or explain anything. And so, she didn’t contact me. A year has passed. I received a letter from her. It sounded something like “I miss your friendship. I have finally gotten over that XY boyfriend and found a new XZ boyfriend. I would like to see you again, because I miss you” - same shit. She didn’t made an inch of a progress, it was clear from her letter, from first right down to the last sentence.

Four more years have passed. I completely forgot about her, and surprise! I got an e-mail from her. “Do you remember me?” Can you believe that? Don’t think for a minute that that was a display of genuine emotions. That was just a bait. EDs always try to find ways to lure you back into their game. One of the most effective ways to pull that off is to play on your emotions.

Lessons learned:

• Whiner EDs never really want to help themselves.
• Whiner EDs will never commit suicide or act upon any of their imaginary dramas.
• Whiner EDs will try to play on your emotions to lure you back.

ED Type 2: Intellectual justification

First and foremost, remember this: You can’t have a normal conversation with people who are seeking intellectual justification. They don’t care about the subject at hand, their only goal is to prove you wrong and to prove themselves right.

And when this kind of character is coupled with energy draining, it tends to be horrible. You can’t explain anything to these persons. They will turn any simple conversation into a bunch of questions, explanations which all ultimately lead to their goal of proving themselves right.

And while they are at it, they tend to drain horrible amounts of energy from their listener. If you are listening, that is. The best way to fend off this kind of ED is to ignore him completely. Why? Because these people are often masters of rhetorical logic and have a snappy answer available at a moment’s notice. Don’t ever bother arguing with them.

Lessons learned:

• Intellectual justification EDs are doing their thing consciously to leech energy from you or
• they are doing it unconsciously. Intellectual justification is a display of deep insecurity. Persons who feel secure about their opinions don’t have the need to discuss them at length at any given moment.
• Intellectual justification EDs have an enormous amount of energy stored for “conversations”.
• When faced with emotions rather than logic, intellectual justification EDs will get either into ridiculizing or insulting the other person.

ED Type 3: Ridiculizers (assholes)

These are the ones who you would just like to punch in the face. These EDs drain energy by trying to make you look inferior to them in any way possible. They will either show it openly, by making disparaging comments about you right in front of you, or by throwing some “casual” remarks your way, while giving you the “I am superior” look.

These people are sorry souls: They are completely empty inside. That’s why they tend to make others look bad: So that they can forget about their hollow selves. These people have low self-respect. They project their own shortcomings to others. And while doing it, they feed on others, and thus, they become EDs.

Lessons learned:

• Ridiculizer EDs only prey on psychologically weak or emotionally sensitive persons on whom they will project their own shortcomings.
• Ridiculizer EDs thrive on things like humiliation, ridiculizing and feelings of false superiority.
• Ridiculizer EDs are afraid to show any kind of emotion.

How to defend yourself from any type of energy drainer

While there are a couple of tricks that you can use to fend off these kinds of persons, the best way to deal with them is to ignore them. They will never change. Forget about reasoning with them or trying to connect with them on an emotional level. A true ED will never change. Ignore them completely.

OK, but what if they insist?

These situations tend to happen. Some EDs can be very invasive. They just won’t give up on you if they spotted that you react to their provocations. What should one do? You can do one of the following (I’ve seen both of these methods work, with third parties, fortunately, I didn’t have to do it):

1. Yell and scream at them as loud as you can, saying what you must say (leave me alone, keep away from me, fuck off, you get the idea) while channelling your anger through your voice. Especially if people are around. And this works, because people feel genuine rage and anger and they will get really scared.
2. As a last resort, if the former doesn’t work, wait while there aren’t any people around, and beat this person up. You may even do it in public, for increased effect. Yep. Show them that you are willing to go to extremes. EDs aren’t and the person in question will avoid you for sure after that.

A smart trick to fend any ED off

If you happen to talk to an ED (someone new) and suddenly you notice that he/she is in fact a real one, and you begin to feel your energy being drained away from you, just do this:

Put your right hand on (over) your navel, with your palm covering it, and put your left hand over it. You will be amazed at how quickly this person will find an excuse to go away. The ED will instantly feel that he or she can’t take any more energy from you and will suddenly “remember” that he/she has things to do, etc. I have tried this a few times and it always worked!

You may also cross your legs, that can work too (if you’re sitting). And don’t be embarassed to do it. I have once put my hands over my navel like I described above, while I was standing and talking to an ED. He immediately said “I gotta go, see you” and left.

However, the best thing is not to be so sensitive (which may be difficult for some) and sensible to your surroundings. Work on making yourself emotionally stronger and more self-confident. Stay positive and enjoy your life!

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